Growing up, my grandmother lived diagnally across the street. I called her mother, well everyone called her mother. She told I remember the smell of her cooking all the time. I would walk in her house and she was always in the kitchen. I can say that she was quite a beautiful woman, both inside and outside. I never heard her raise her voice, never heard her complain about anything, of course other than when she had to tell me to slow down to smell her newest blooms on the rose bushes.
My grandmother had 5 children. My mother was the oldest. My grandparents helped my mom purchase the home across the street so she could be close to them. My mother and my grandmother had an amazing relationship. I remember every morning at 8am they would go to the post office, go to HEB, stop at the store and buy lotto tickets. Of course before heading back home they would drive by the shrimp boat docks and return home. Of course around 3 or 4, they either had to go to the store again or just go and get a sida and take that ride by the bay. On wednesdays in the morning they bowled on a league together. On saturday nights it was another league and my grandfather bowled on a different league. They were all so very close.
Larry was next to oldest. I dont remember seeing him too often at my grandmothers. He was in the air force. He rarely visited my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother would simply say she loved him so much and wished she could see him more, but it is what it is. I knew she missed him terribly as she told me stories about him as a child. I often wondered why he did not come and visit his mom more often. His in laws lived in the next town and he always found time to visit them. I saw the pain in mothers eyes, although she would simply smile when she spoke of him. I would often think, did he know how much she loved him, how proud she was of him, and sadly how her heart was broken by his non action of making a extra moment to spend some time with his mother,his most amazing mother.
Next she had a two more sons Herman and Jerry both which at one time were successful but towards the end of thier short lived life became herion addicts. Both dying of overdose.
Mother also had custody of her first grandson and raised him as her own. His name is Norman, also my brother.
Often I observed life as a parent through my grandmother. Not really understanding how it worked since i was a child myself. One day I came in and my grandmother was cooking. She was standing at the bar and she was crying. I asked what was wrong. I remember having so many mixed emotions, i was angry, sad and hurt. I can only imagine her emotions. I overheard her on the phone with my grandfather telling him that the boys meaning herman and jerry, stole something from them. When she hung up I told her make them leave. This was not the first time nor would it be the last. She told me she could not, because those were her sons. I didnt understand. How could she just allow this to continue. My mom would tell her the same thing. Although when they had stolen from my mom and step dad she did nothing as well.
Throughout the next 10 years, i saw so much pain and heart ache our entire family went through. I was merely looking at the outside. I can only imagine the pain my grandmother was feeling. Those were her sons.
Still she remained with a smile. I seen her cry two times once that day and at her sister funeral. Mother was one beatiful strong woman.
I often heard people and family members tell my grandmother how she should handle her children. What she should do, how to do it, but yet nobody other than my grandfather was there with her everyday. Reflecting back I wonder how she must have felt. Being torn between doing the right thing, or knowing what the right thing was. Having to hear others tell her how to parent. Of course, me being the outspoken grandchild simply stating to her, completely cut them off from your life. I had built up so much hate towards them. My whole life of parenthood, i have heard the same thing from friends, family and others. Having 5 children myself. I have experienced so many trials and tribulations. I know that being a mother is a job that endures so many emotions that contridict each other. Its by far a job that not everyone can not handle. You question your own actions. You wonder if you make the right dicipline actions. Wondering if you give to much or not enough, love to much or not enough. On top of our self doult we are constantly being criticized and judged by family members, friends and even our children. I remember one day my daughter had disrespected me. We were driving just across the street from my grandmothers to my moms, i pulled into my moms driveway and took her out and spanked her. My mom came out and was yelling me not to spank her. I was very angry, i explained to my mom that i shpuld have been spanked and i would have been more of a dicipined child. I was serious.
Of course throughtout the years to come my children all had different personal roads they would venture on in order to become young succesful adults. Its a educational learning experiance that is different for each child. A constant battle within, praying and doing the best you can, hoping your right. Even once they grow into adults your job is still not complete. I must add that parenting is also a beatiful experiance as well. It has so many rewards and you have discovered love that is uncoditional, tge same love that God gives to us. I only wish i would have.asked his direction and guidance instead of outsiders at that time. Although now, with the two left in the home, i do.
Of my five children, i experianed rough times, tuff times, struggles, trials and tribulations, but all good times. All being something i had to endure to be who i am today. Thinking back now i wish i would have done things differently, but i know that its part of learning and growing
A spiritualJourney 